Coaching Clients to Follow Through, with Jayne Havens
One of the biggest fears new sleep consultants have is: What if I work with a family and they don’t follow through? Maybe they seem excited at first but hesitate when it’s time to make changes. Sometimes one parent is all-in while the other is resistant. Or perhaps they’re overwhelmed and unsure if they can commit to the process.
In this episode of Becoming a Sleep Consultant, I’m breaking down exactly how to handle clients who stall in the process—and why this doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker in your business. We’ll cover:
- How to meet families where they are and coach them through resistance
- Why getting both parents on the same page is key to success
- What to do when a family needs to pause (without losing momentum!)
- How celebrating tiny wins keeps parents engaged
If you’re thinking about becoming a sleep consultant but worry about handling tricky client situations, this episode will give you the confidence to navigate these cases like a pro!
Links:
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Transcript:
Intro: Welcome to Becoming a Sleep Consultant! I’m your host Jayne Havens, a certified sleep consultant and founder of both Snooze Fest by Jayne Havens and Center for Pediatric Sleep Management.
On this podcast, I’ll be discussing the business side of sleep consulting. You’ll have an insider’s view on launching, growing, and even scaling a sleep consulting business. This is not a podcast about sleep training. This is a podcast about business building and entrepreneurship.
Jayne Havens: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the Becoming a Sleep Consultant podcast. Today, we’re tackling a challenge that every sleep consultant will face at some point in their career—working with a parent who just won’t follow through. Maybe they seem excited at first, but then they start to hesitate when it’s time to implement the plan. Maybe one parent is all in, while the other is dragging their feet, or perhaps they’re just overwhelmed and unsure if they can commit to the process. If you’re a practicing sleep consultant and you’ve been in this situation, you’re certainly not alone. Today, we’re talking about why this happens and what you can do to keep parents engaged, committed, and moving forward towards their goals. So let’s get into it.
Before we jump into solutions, let’s talk about why this happens. There are a few common reasons.
Number one: Fear of change. Parents may be afraid of upsetting their child or dealing with a tough adjustment period. I think, truly, many parents don’t realize that the hard that they’re experiencing is so much harder than what we would be putting into place in order to improve their circumstances. When they’re in the thick of it, they just cannot see that by making a change, their lives will actually improve for the better.
Number two: Lack of alignment. If both parents aren’t on the same page, one parent may resist the process and perhaps even sabotage it. When on discovery calls with parents, if I see that one parent is ready and the other parent is not, I will encourage them to work together to get onto the same page before we begin the sleep training process. While sleep training can feel hard for parents, we definitely want to do everything possible to make this experience as easy as possible for the child on the other end.
Number three: Overwhelm. When parents are truly exhausted, sometimes they just cannot see that their actions or inaction is what’s going to lead to their results or lack thereof. It’s our job as their coach and support system to help them make good choices that will lead to progress. Once they see the progress, then they will feel empowered to keep going.
Last but not least, unrealistic expectations. I don’t see a ton of this in my business because I work really hard to manage expectations for my families that I support. That being said, sometimes parents try something for one or two days, and they become really frustrated and upset that they’re not seeing a complete and immediate turnaround. I remind families that their baby or child has been sleeping one way for months or even years before they’ve decided to put a change into place. It will take more than a night or two to unravel those deeply-ingrained habits.
As a sleep consultant, it’s not our job just to give them a plan. It’s our job to coach them through these mental and emotional barriers. So how are we keeping families moving forward? My top strategy is to meet families where they are. Instead of pushing a rigid plan, I will always coach parents through a method or technique that most closely aligns with their parenting style. If a family is hesitant about a certain approach, they’re unlikely to implement it with any sort of consistency. When they’re comfortable with the process, that’s when we see success.
I want to share a quick story about a family I’m currently working with. This is a mom of a 12-month-old baby girl who was previously nursing to sleep and bed-sharing throughout the night. Mom was adamant that she was against sleep training, but her mental health was suffering, and she knew that teaching her daughter to sleep independently was going to be something that was so important for her entire family. We had several calls and exchanged many emails back and forth before she decided to work with me. She told me she had scheduled calls with several sleep consultants, and she really wanted to make sure that she had hired the right person to support her through this process.
I’m going to be completely honest: she was not my ideal client. My ideal client is actually a parent who’s pretty comfortable with the idea of sleep training, but perhaps just wants to make sure they’re optimizing the process to limit stress for everyone. That being said, something in my heart was telling me to show up for this mom. I explained to her that I practiced what I call a ‘client-led approach,’ which means I always present all of the age-appropriate options for sleep training, and I let parents decide how they want to handle it. We would make changes at her pace and make sure everyone felt comfortable with the changes we were making, whether they be big or small.
We started working together, and mom chose to implement the most gradual and parent-present technique that I proposed. This is a method that I don’t typically present for 12-month-olds, but I knew that she needed to start slow. I recommended that dad take the lead on sleep training, and mom actually obliged—at least for the first few days. We saw a ton of progress. Once mom started to see progress, instead of letting dad continue with success, she jumped in to manage the sleep training. At this point, we stalled a bit. Mom wasn’t following the plan, and the baby was taking her cues from mom.
My initial instinct was to jump in and make sure that dad resumed his role as the front man for this process. But I actually bit my tongue because mom was thrilled with the progress and didn’t seem bothered by the fact that her baby was still having one to two-night wakings. Mom was able to get her back to sleep with just some quick back rubs, and she was thrilled that her baby was spending all night in her crib. We still have about five days left together, and I’m nudging mom to get to the finish line, but I’m also celebrating with her as she seems so content with the results.
Sometimes, we sleep consultants really need to remember that our clients have a different set of goals than maybe what we would have for our own children in our own homes. And that’s okay. I feel really good about the fact that this mom is so happy with how her baby is sleeping, even if I know that her daughter could be sleeping through the night without any help.
Another way to make sure that families continue to move forward is to make sure both parents are on the same page. One of the most common roadblocks I see is when one parent is entirely committed and the other parent is resistant. Before getting started, it’s really important to take some time to have open conversation with both parents. If they aren’t on the same page, I will have them discuss privately and come to some sort of middle ground before we get started. This is really crucial for their success. I recently worked with a family who learned about my services from an interview I did on a podcast.
The dad was 100% on board with working on independent sleep for their son, but mom was not. It was so clear on the discovery call that these two parents were on opposite sides of the spectrum, and I didn’t feel confident that I could lead them to success until they were able to meet in the middle. I told them this on the call. I explained to dad that in order for them to teach their child to sleep independently and through the night, their child would need to see that their parents were a united front. He actually agreed, and he told me he’d circle back around if his wife changed her mind. Three months later, they booked my services, and we got it done.
Another tool I have in my toolkit for parents who are not following through is the pause. If a family is feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to pause the process until they’re truly ready. Whenever I’ve offered a pause to a family, they’ve always been so grateful. Essentially, I’m giving them permission to take a break or even throw in the towel.
Sleep training is not the right fit for every family, and if I notice that parents are not following the plan, I find that giving them permission to stop is sometimes just what they’re looking for. I let them know that if they decide they’d like to circle back around to resume when they’re feeling ready, they of course are welcome to do so, and I will be there to support them when that time comes.
When I’m working with families who struggle to follow through, another thing that I find that helps is to celebrate the smallest wins. Let’s go back to that family with a 12-month-old baby. While I know that if they were willing to make more significant changes, they would see more significant results, they were feeling really great about the progress they’ve made. Who am I to rain on their parade?
Every single day, I’m reminding them of how great they’re all doing. And mom continues to celebrate how great she’s healing now that her baby is sleeping safely in the crib for the entire night. This is a win for everybody. Positive reinforcement goes a long way to keep parents motivated when they’re making changes to the way their child sleeps. I’m not just a coach, but oftentimes a cheerleader for the families that I support. And, honestly, I love that role. A few celebratory emojis go a long way to make families feel proud of the accomplishments that they’ve made during our time together.
I’ll wrap up with a few final thoughts. If you ever feel like a client is stalling, take a step back and ask: What’s really holding them back, and how can I support them in a way that will resonate with them? By meeting them where they are, getting both parents aligned, offering flexibility, and celebrating every step along the way, you can help parents to overcome their hesitation and get the results they desire.
Thanks so much for tuning in today. If this episode was helpful, I’d love for you to leave a review or share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you’re a lurker—someone who’s been thinking about jumping into this career, but you just haven’t made the move yet—let me hold you accountable and support you through the process of growing your sleep consulting business.
Outro: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Becoming a Sleep Consultant Podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, it would mean so much to me if you would rate, review, and subscribe. When you rate, review, and subscribe, this helps the podcast reach a greater audience. I am so grateful for your support.
If you would like to learn more about how you can become a certified sleep consultant, head over to my Facebook Group, Becoming a Sleep Consultant or to my website thecpsm.com. Thanks so much, and I hope you will tune in for the next episode.