Sleep Training Skeptic to Certified Sleep Consultant with Amy Jo Kelley
Like many parents, Amy Jo was totally against sleep training. She believed the common misconceptions and never thought she’d consider it. But after struggling with her own child’s sleep, she took a leap and hired a sleep consultant—and it completely changed her perspective.
Not only did Amy Jo see the benefits firsthand, but she was so inspired by the experience that she became a certified sleep consultant herself! Now, she’s helping other parents navigate their own sleep challenges with confidence and compassion. Amy Jo Kelley
Cohen
In this episode, we cover:
- Why Amy Jo was originally against sleep training
- The fears and misconceptions that held her back
- What happened when she finally worked with a sleep consultant
- Her advice for parents who are skeptical or nervous about sleep training
Links:
Website: Sleepy Sailings
Instagram: @sleepysailings_
If you would like to learn more about the Becoming a Sleep Consultant, please join our free Facebook Group or check out our CPSM Website.
Book a free discovery call to learn how you can become a Certified Sleep Consultant here.
Transcript:
Intro: Welcome to Becoming a Sleep Consultant! I’m your host Jayne Havens, a certified sleep consultant and founder of both Snooze Fest by Jayne Havens and Center for Pediatric Sleep Management.
On this podcast, I’ll be discussing the business side of sleep consulting. You’ll have an insider’s view on launching, growing, and even scaling a sleep consulting business. This is not a podcast about sleep training. This is a podcast about business building and entrepreneurship.
Like many parents, Amy Jo was totally against sleep training. She believed the common misconceptions and never thought she’d consider it. But after struggling with her own child’s sleep, she took a leap and hired a sleep consultant—and it completely changed her perspective.
Not only did Amy Jo see the benefits firsthand, but she was so inspired by the experience that she became a certified sleep consultant herself. Now, she’s helping other parents navigate their own sleep challenges with confidence and compassion.
Jayne Havens: Amy Jo, welcome to the Becoming a Sleep Consultant podcast. I’m so excited to have this conversation with you today.
Amy Jo Kelley: Yes, I’m very excited to be here. I think that many parents could relate to my journey, so I’m just very excited to share my story.
Jayne Havens: So today we’re going to actually be talking about your journey from being against sleep training to becoming a sleep consultant. Before we dive in, what made you want to have this conversation?
Amy Jo Kelley: I wanted to have this conversation because I know how overwhelming and emotional sleep struggles can be for parents. I was once in the position of feeling just completely against sleep training, so I understand the fears, the doubts, and the exhaustion that comes along with it. But my journey ultimately just showed me that sleep training doesn’t have to mean leaving your baby to cry it out alone. And it doesn’t mean that you have to ignore their needs. And I just want other parents that are seeing those misconceptions to see that there are gentle and more effective approaches that can truly change your life.
Jayne Havens: So tell me a little bit about your initial beliefs around sleep training prior to going through it yourself. What were your thoughts around sleep training?
Amy Jo Kelley: I think I always believed that sleep training was just leaving your baby to cry it out for hours. I heard about the Ferber method, too, as well. And I just couldn’t get my mind wrapped around to just keep increasing the time. I just couldn’t imagine leaving my baby to cry and not respond to his needs. I thought it was going to be harmful to our attachment and our bond.
And I just felt like, as a responsibility, as a parent, I was supposed to do whatever I needed to get my baby to go to sleep in whatever way possible. So rocking, beating, holding, co-sleeping, anything to get him to sleep, I thought that was my responsibility. I never would have thought I need to teach him how to fall asleep.
Jayne Havens: And when was the turning point for you? Was there sort of a breaking point? Why did you ultimately decide to hire a sleep consultant?
Amy Jo Kelley: So I hired a sleep consultant because I was pregnant, and I was due in two months. And I just thought to myself, you know, me contact napping with him every two hours and then also sleeping with him through the night is just not going to be possible with a newborn. Me and my
husband had to have a hard talk, and we decided let’s hire someone. Maybe we can figure out a way to get him to sleep on his own, where it’s not to cry-it-out method.
Jayne Havens: Tell me a little bit about — first of all, I think you hired a Center for Pediatric Sleep Management graduate, right?
Amy Jo Kelley: I did. I did.
Jayne Havens: Okay. So you hired a CPSM grad. Tell me a little bit about your experience working with that sleep consultant.
Amy Jo Kelley: She was amazing. Jamie from Rested Results, I will give her a shout out because she just changed my life in every way. She really validated my feelings as far as my anxiety towards his sleep. I remember, I still remember that call with the sleep plan. Going over it, I was crying the entire time. She was just very understanding and reassuring to me. She gave me so much support. And it just really just made a difference for me that she was there, and she was able to reassure me through the entire process.
Jayne Havens: How did going through the sleep training process change your beliefs around sleep training?
Amy Jo Kelley: I think I realized that my baby could learn to fall asleep on his own without having to feel abandoned. I remember we started off with the shush and pat method, and we moved on to check and console. She was like, “Just wait 15 minutes.” I was like, nope, I’m waiting seven. I can’t do any more than that. And you know, again, she made me feel reassured.
She said that’s fine. Stay consistent. I ended up realizing seven minutes isn’t long enough for him. And so I moved up the time to 12 minutes. I just learned firsthand, like, okay, he is learning how to fall asleep on his own. He’s not in any harm or anything like that. He’s just frustrated that he can’t fall asleep. I mean, the results spoke for themselves. He was asleep, falling asleep, I think by night too really. It changed my whole beliefs. Because, obviously, our attachment is better and he’s happier of a baby. So it overall changed everything for me.
Jayne Havens: Yeah, I love that. I love that so much. Because there are so much stigma and negativity around sleep training. And what I always say, and I think you now know this to be true, is that babies just want to be asleep. All of that crying that parents experience in the middle of the night, usually, it’s just them being frustrated that they’re awake and they want to be sleeping through the night. And whether we take a gradual approach or a more speedy approach, we are simply just giving them the opportunity to try to get themselves back to sleep. And I’m so glad you were able to see that. And I bet you were able to hear it too, right?
Amy Jo Kelley: Yes.
Jayne Havens: Like, there’s definitely that moment during sleep training where—and I know we place a really heavy emphasis on this inside of CPSM—really teaching grads to understand the difference between real screaming and yelling and trying, right? Because when babies are trying, you can see that in their body language. You can hear it in the way that they’re communicating. And that sounds like your sleep coach did a great job in coaching you to hear the difference.
Amy Jo Kelley: Yes, she really did. I sent videos too. She’s like, “He’s just trying.” And I finally clicked. I was like, okay, he’s not upset. He’s just tired. He just wants to sleep. And it helps me now as a sleep consultant being able to talk to my clients as well to understand the difference between crying and frustrated.
Jayne Havens: So let’s back up a second. What was the point where you realized you wanted to actually start to coach others? I love when that happens, by the way. You’re not the first parent who has been coached by a CPSM grad, and then they want to become a sleep consultant themselves. What was that moment for you where you’re like, “I actually want to do this work”?
Amy Jo Kelley: So I think as soon as I saw that it changed my life. I used to be a teacher, so it’s like kind of in my blood to want to help others. So I think as soon as I saw that it changed my life, I felt like it was almost a calling that I wanted to be that person that helped others. Especially because I understand and went through the process, I feel like I can be more empathetic towards moms that do have this anxiety towards sleep training and really understand them. I know how life changing this work can be and helping exhausting moms can really just regain confidence in life in general. So I just really wanted to help others out there as well.
Jayne Havens: I know that you’re really very much in the beginning stages of growing your business. Do you think that your client base, like the families that you’re going to attract, will be of a sort of similar profile as you—that mom who’s really highly anxious about the process and perhaps has some significant misconceptions around what sleep training really is?
Amy Jo Kelley: I believe so. So far, everyone that has reached out to me has about the same anxiety and feelings towards sleep training. One of the number one questions is, is it going to cause trauma to my baby, or is our attachment going to break? That’s always the two questions I get. I’m hoping that those are most of my clients. Because I understand the anxiety. I understand those first few nights of sleep training and how hard it can be. And I want to be able to hold their hand through it so that they can get the rest that they need.
Jayne Havens: Do you have any thoughts around why so many moms feel this way? Where do you think it comes from, all of this negativity around sleep training?
Amy Jo Kelley: I mean, I think it comes exactly from the source of social media. You are on Instagram. You’re scrolling. You see things like, “Go sleeping is the way to go. Sleep training harmed my baby.” But really, you’re not seeing the full story of it. They could have done it wrong. They could have not done it correctly or consistently. And that’s why it was terrible for them. I think you see something on social media and you just kind of automatically believe it instead of researching it. So I think a lot of the misconceptions come from influencers, social media. You hear one thing, and they just kind of run along with it without really getting into the research behind it.
Jayne Havens: Yeah, I think you’re right. I think social media is a big part of it. I always at least partially attribute it back to mom shaming, you know. I think that, for whatever reason, mommying is competitive, right? Everybody sort of feels like the way that they’re parenting is the right way, and the way that other people are parenting is not the right way. I think when you mix that dynamic in with a situation where babies are crying, it gets heated, right?
Amy Jo Kelley: Yes.
Jayne Havens: And I always, when I think about why there are such strong views on this topic, I always think about how much better the world would be if moms were just kinder to one another, you know. Because I think a lot of the moms who are really struggling and not getting the sleep that they need because they’re not setting any limits or boundaries around sleep for their children is because they feel some sort of guilt or shame for doing so.
My mission is to sort of unravel that and to give parents permission to put their oxygen masks on first. But ultimately, I do believe very strongly that sleep training benefits the child just as much or more than it does the parent. So I love that there are people out there like you who lived it, experienced it, went through the coaching process with somebody who was well-trained and good at their job and got you from point A to point B in a way that worked for your parenting style, worked for your anxiety level. And now you can get out there and do it for others. I mean, that’s just magical if you ask me.
Amy Jo Kelley: Yes, it really is. I remember feeling guilty even thinking about hiring a sleep consultant. I remember feeling guilty when we paid her. Then I remember feeling guilty after going over the sleep plan. Then finally, I think I felt better about it when I saw the impact that it made, not just on obviously my sleep but my baby’s sleep and how much his tantrums just went down. He was a happier baby. I was honestly probably a better mom because I had the energy to go and do things with him. I had the energy to play.
It really is life-changing. I think it’s one of those things where, for a lot of moms that do have this misconception on it, you just have to take that leap and trust us that we’re here for them and doing the right thing for them. Basically, what I’m trying to do is get that information out there so that they can feel understood and that they do have their options.
Jayne Havens: Well, I can’t wait to hear when one of your clients also wants to become a sleep consultant. Like, that’s going to be the best moment for me: when you coach somebody through the process, and then they want to get into this line of work. Because I really do believe that we are like this little army out there helping moms who, otherwise, are not getting the information and the support that they need to thrive in parenting. I just feel so strongly that we, as mothers, but parents in general, should not be feeling like we have to be martyrs.
We shouldn’t feel like extreme sleep deprivation is the only way, right? There are other options out there. So how old is your son now? By the way, when did you implement sleep training with your son? How old was he, and how old is he now?
Amy Jo Kelley: He was 13 months when we did sleep training, and he is now 22 months.
Jayne Havens: Okay. And how’s his sleep been since? Have you had no issues?
Amy Jo Kelley: It’s been great. It’s nice because I can talk to my clients about it. He actually even had the flu a few weeks ago. I had to co-sleep with him again, and he went right back to the crib as soon as he was better. I was like, oh gosh, I just messed everything up. He was perfect. He went right back to the crib. He was happy.
Jayne Havens: I’m so glad you shared that. I’m so glad you shared that because I also operate in the gray area. I bend the rules. My eight-year-old slept in my bed the other night because she wasn’t feeling well. I think that when our kids need a little bit of extra support, that’s what we’re there for. Of course, we’re going to do that. But we also want to make sure that they maintain their confidence and that they can get a full night of sleep and that they can wake up rested and happy in the morning. That’s what we want for all of them.
Amy Jo Kelley: Right. Right. Yeah.
Jayne Havens: So where can everybody learn more about you? Do you have a website up and running yet?
Amy Jo Kelley: I do. I have a website, as well as an Instagram. My website is sleepysailings.com and then my Instagram is @sleepysailings_.
Jayne Havens: Amy Jo, thank you so much for being willing to have this conversation with me today. I hope that you’ll share this with all of your families that you support. Because I think having them have the opportunity to hear your story, hear your heart and your intentions behind the work that you do is so special. And they will be so lucky to be under your wing.
Amy Jo Kelley: Thank you so much. It was so good talking to you.
Outro: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Becoming a Sleep Consultant Podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, it would mean so much to me if you would rate, review, and subscribe. When you rate, review, and subscribe, this helps the podcast reach a greater audience. I am so grateful for your support.
If you would like to learn more about how you can become a certified sleep consultant, head over to my Facebook Group, Becoming a Sleep Consultant or to my website thecpsm.com. Thanks so much, and I hope you will tune in for the next episode.