Managing your Mindset with Allison Henderson
Allison Henderson is a social media marketing coach that happens to be a total guru when it comes to mindset work. On this episode we discussed how to manage your mindset in order to be successful in business.
The three biggest takeaways:
- The only way to truly fail is to quit. You’re still in the game as long as you continue to work and try.
- You do not need to seek permission to try something different, new, and challenging.
- “Follow your highest form of excitement, ALWAYS.” – Allison Henderson
Links:
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Transcript:
Jayne Havens: Hello, everybody. My name is Jayne Havens. I’m the owner and founder of the Center for Pediatric sleep management. I am here today with one of my all-time favorites, Alison Henderson. Alison is a business and sleep coach and also a mindset guru. I don’t know if she would call herself that, but that’s what I’m going to call her. Allison, why don’t you take three seconds and introduce yourself before we get started?
Allison Henderson: Hi, everyone. Thank you so much for having me, Jayne. I am Allison Henderson. I am a social media business coach. So I help mom Newars learn how to use this whole wonderful world of social media to actually build their businesses online. And helping sleep consultants, doulas, life coaches, relationship coaches, and all the above to really go above and beyond and create wealth and impact in this world. So thank you so much for having me.
Jayne Havens: You’re welcome. And the reason I reached out to Allison to come and chat with us about becoming a sleep consultant is because I have been getting her daily emails. I asked her before this and now my mind had already gone blank. I’ve been calling them little nuggets of amazingness. But Allison, what are they actually called?
Allison Henderson: I really kept it simple and said morning business motivation.
Jayne Havens: Morning is motivation. Alright, I should have written that down. Every morning or most mornings, I get an email from Allison with like a little three-minute voice clip of Alison getting me off on the right foot for the day and I absolutely love them. And it’s a great way to start the day. And she just has these tiny little nuggets to share that really get you on the right foot for getting your day going and being productive and having your brain in the right place. So I thought we could talk about that. I’ll like to ask you, what prompted you to start this? And what is your favorite message that you’ve shared so far? Since you started this?
Allison Henderson: I started this because the mindset is one of the biggest components of whether you’re going to succeed or not, right? And there are some mornings, you just wake up and ask, What do I do today? What am I going to do today? If we don’t start our morning feeling super energetic. But, we usually have a plan for the day, right? There are some people that are still at that point in their business, especially if everything just started and you don’t feel like it. I am like my mindset, just not right. today. I’m anxious, I’m stressed, I wake up maybe a little bit more chaotic and certain people’s households. And I just wanted to step back and people steps, right, and have this feeling that everything’s gonna be okay. Like, trust and all that sort of stuff. Right. And so I yeah, I just wanted to create it almost like for myself, because I know, I need that every so often. And so this is what kind of prompted me to over a year ago, maybe even two years ago, I started following a coach I just loved, super energetic, and I got access to this thing that she did was 365 days of videos and audios and they’re short and sweet. And it dripped every day. Okay, so I got full access to the course. So I had 365 things that I could go through. And every so often when I was just feeling like what am I going to do today, but I was saying earlier, I just I’m all over the place. I’m stressed that I would go in just to listen to a few of her videos and I’m very thankful. So it was so refreshing. And made me feel better about life. So I want to start doing this. And eventually, I do, I would love to have a podcast. So this is kind of my little introduction to some of what I want to share with you today. And you should see these notebooks I have for content ideas, that I go through that would be a great thing for me to talk for two minutes, three minutes, or even five minutes today. I know that I want to be that person for people. You know, if I don’t feel good, I want to go to Allison, I want that to be that coach for women out there.
Jayne Havens: I feel that you could and you’re that person for me whenever I feel slumpy or lacking the right energy. I always like to head over to your Instagram and channel, your chair, and your vibe, because I think it’s really important to have people in your corner that are striving for big things, right? Because that helps us to really get those wheels turning and going right. What are some of the things that you hear from your coaches, for instance, the people that take your program? What are some things that you hear from them that they struggle with? From a mindset perspective? I’m happy to share mine, but I’d love to hear about the people in your program?
Allison Henderson: There’s a lot of impostor syndrome, and when you claim to be an expert in something, I know I have all this knowledge. But am I an expert? The impostor syndrome is probably one of the biggest things that people talk about, I have everybody fill out an intake form. And so what do you feel like is stopping you from succeeding? Realistically. And it’s everyones like, I’m either certified in something or I’m not certified in something. But, yet I have all this experience and knowledge, I just have a ton of impostor syndrome, to really come out on social media, and say, Hey, I’m an expert at this, you know, let me share with you my offer and buy it, right? There are so many people who are so afraid to take that next step and say, buy now or I want to sell this because I’m an expert. This is why you should buy it. And all that sort of stuff that is probably the number one.
Jayne Havens: Can I interject for a second? Do you think that impostor syndrome and fear of failure are intertwined? Because I think that they can be you, I think that we are partially afraid to position ourselves as experts. But then really like the underlying, feeling, if we really dig the underlying emotion if we really dig deeper, we don’t want to put ourselves out there to fail? Right? Or maybe I’m just like, projecting my own way. I think we’re all in this very scary position ourselves as an expert. That feels overwhelming. But then I think sometimes we can get over that. But then what if we actually do it and fail, and that feels really scary?
Allison Henderson: Failure could happen, right. And that’s the thing, I guess I don’t want to say failure, it’s like you, you don’t, you’re not going to fail at anything, you’re just going to quit at some point, you’re gonna sit there and don’t want to do this anymore. Because I don’t feel good doing it anymore. So that’s really the only way to truly fail, is to really just stop trying. The likelihood of your business totally not succeeding is literally giving up, not sharing, and not doing anything. I’m a big firm believer, if you really stay consistent for six months, a year, two years, it’s nearly impossible, for your business not to succeed. But if you’re like, posting once a week, and don’t talk about what I do to anybody. Nobody knows who I am. Well, okay, that’s a little different. Then we need to talk about an actual strategy for you to build your business. But yeah, like so you fail your fear of failure? Usually, this is the one thing I’m always like, Who are you afraid to fail for? Who are you afraid to fail in front of who is it? Right? It’s usually it’s a friend or a family member or your husband or your mother-in-law. It has nothing to really do with everybody, you know what I mean? It’s you have a judgment that you have somebody’s fear of judgment. Somebody?
Jayne Havens: Yes, exactly. Now, we’re unpacking this. You’re afraid of not? It’s not your right. It’s not failure. Because only you can get to decide if you’ve truly failed. Because if something doesn’t work out, then you just try again, or you try something else, and you keep working at it. And then it’s not failure, right. It’s only failure when you give up. Yeah, it’s totally true. And we are all afraid of failing in front of somebody.
Allison Henderson: Who’s the one person? And usually just one person. That’s it? So if we can unpack that a little bit. Well, in my programs, we found the person, and who is it? And she said it out loud. And I was like, Cool, go and follow her or block her from everything. So you can fully show up in your business and for yourself, if you are afraid to be who you truly are in this world, and then this lifetime, and it’s because of one person like that, to me is like okay, no, we got it and we got to move past quickly, so the sooner that you can literally sit, whatever that is for you and the sooner you’re just going to come out of this expansive, and you’re going to really be able to be yourself. And you’re going to confidently want to show up and you will show up way more consistently because that person’s not gonna be in the back of your mind anymore.
Jayne Havens: What do you think about people who are already successful, People who already have successful careers, but don’t feel done yet? They don’t feel completely either fulfilled or at the top, and you know, and it’s less about financial gain and more just about, I always talk about like, there’s finite antral growth and then also personal growth, right? And even someone who’s really, like made it or doing well in their career, there’s still I think, always room for growth. What about those people that already have some level of success and they have confidence. But then I think there’s so a lot of fear in that category because you don’t want to mess up a good thing or you don’t want to pivot because what you’re doing is working. Right?
Allison Henderson: Every person is going to be extremely well, I guess, for me, it’s okay, what’s really motivated you? What’s keeping you fulfilled? What are your passions? Right? I am one of those people who follow your highest form of excitement. So if your job is not that exciting anymore, and sometimes we get blocked, we just start feeling that I’m just kind of bored. So create different positions for yourself, or I don’t want to say add on more duties for you. But like, there are certain things in your career where if you just asked your manager or ask your boss, Hey, I’m feeling a little bored? Is there something else I could do? I want to make a bigger impact here, or whatever it is, if it’s an actual job, what more can I do to help this company grow and big, bring this up to its highest form of, and highest potential? There are things that you can do, but sometimes we’re so afraid to just take that next step and ask.
Jayne Havens: I think when people work in traditional jobs, that is easier, because, we all are conditioned to climb the ladder, at least in a more corporate environment. But for those who are working in a more like entrepreneurial space, where you’re just sort of like, I’m just working here by myself, and I’m here, you know, I’m sitting in the corner, and snacks. Yeah, it’s up to me to find that next thing. And there’s nobody to that I can ask permission. Yeah, it’s gonna work. There’s nobody above me to set for me to seek permission to try something different or new or challenging. I have to take ownership of that and find those new challenging opportunities on my own. I sort of chuckled a little bit when you mentioned a podcast this morning because this always happens when I’m on a zoom with you like the energy like there’s something with energy, but you’re the third person that’s brought up podcasts with me today. And it’s been in my heart to start a podcast, and nobody’s gonna give me permission. I just have to do that.
Allison Henderson: When’s the best time there isn’t ever gonna be the best time to do it the right time to do it. It’s more like I’m feeling this. I’m starting. What’s the next best step here? Okay, I need to get a microphone. Maybe, I need to learn what software’s are out there. So what’s the next step there? There’s no one that’s gonna be able to sit there and go. Alright, Jane, it’s time. Here’s your permission slip to start your podcasts.
Jayne Havens: Do you have time step by step roadmap, right? There is no step-by-step roadmap, you get to decide what changes you want to take on yourself, and what next steps to take. And I like what you said before, to lead with your highest form of excitement. That way. You said I love that.
Allison Henderson: If we do that all day, every day, do you know how great our lives would be? People have day jobs and they can’t, Because they have tiny people to take care of. But you know, just think about if like you woke up every day being like, what do I want to do today? What would be really exciting in my life, how everyone’s lives would be so different, how happy more people would be if they were just given that, that permission slip to do what they really wanted to do. And we as entrepreneurs, kind of get to design our days and lives like that. And that’s why this is a very magical time, right now in this virtual space where we can get to do whatever we want. And they’re like I said, there’s no really permission slip. It’s kind of like even the wild girl, like do whatever you want to do like if you want, I guess. But this is a beautiful time.
Jayne Havens: So what about all the roadblocks, the mental roadblocks that get in everybody’s way and, living their highest form of excitement? Right? Yeah, we all like a lot of us have young kids a lot of us have, some of us have day jobs, right? Like, there are a lot of things but what about like, the more like, Excuses, things like, oh, yeah, right, like all the mental gymnastics that we go through to talk ourselves out of things that would be really great. The things I hear all the time are like, I don’t have time or I don’t have money, right. Like all of these things, some are a little bit true, but not completely true. Right? Sometimes we tell ourselves these things so that we don’t end up on the path of our highest form of excitement. And then we end up stuck both mentally and personally, professionally, all of those. How do you get past all of that?
Allison Henderson: Well, that’s the thing. I’ve just my own personal experience when I sit there and go, Okay, I feel really stuck right now. I feel blocked or whatever that, you know, I always just ask myself, What do I need right now? So there’s usually something that internally lacking. So why I’m not taking action, like, I know, writing a post or creating the program, or getting that certification, whatever that is, what’s really stopping me right now. What do I need? So maybe it’s usually a personal problem that shows up as this business problem. Okay. So maybe it’s you and your husband who need to have a really good chat. Maybe he’s not super supportive of the certification or whatever it is that you’re trying to do starting this course. So okay, I need you to be more supportive. We need to talk this out. Because I’m not taking this next step. Because you’re not necessarily giving me the permission that I need to do this. And a lot of women do they seek outside permission to follow their dreams. And that’s the big number one, right? your society, your community, whoever your local, like this little area, this little bubble that we live in like we’re waiting for permission, and we cannot wait for permission to do things. So when I say your personal problems are showing up as business problems, that’s 100%. True, you have a lack of boundaries. So that’s why you don’t have time, you don’t ask for help. Like, there’s a lot of things that you could do to make time for yourself and for your business and for all the things. So people say I don’t have time for self-care, Well, maybe you just need a babysitter, maybe you actually need to pay somebody to come over for four hours. So you can get your nails done and go to the gym and or whatever the things that you want to do. Now, it really helped me just relax, right? I’m a big firm believer and relaxing into entrepreneurship as I schedule in time to do the things I actually really enjoy doing, in addition to my business, like whatever it is that like if I know the posts, the course whatever, and those things will get done. If I want him to get them done. If I don’t get a post up today, do you know what I mean? It’s like, we put way too much pressure on ourselves to have like this perfect business or this perfect life when really society is the one that’s telling us that we need to have all these things in place in order for us to be able to do all these things that we need to do, which is not the case at all. What do you want to do? What would light you up right now? What would be your highest form of excitement, right? So if it’s starting the business Great. Whenever we’re excited to do something, we do it more not excited to do things. We don’t do it. Right. So what’s really stopping you from being excited about this? What is that excuse? Right? Is it that you need permission from somebody else? Is it that you need to ask somebody else for money? Do you need to ask for help with something like what is it to get down to the core root of why you’re saying no to your dream life? What is it? Why are you saying no today?
Jayne Havens: So good. Everything you’re saying reminds me of when I first wanted to launch a center for pediatric sleep management. And at the time, I was actually fairly new to the industry. I hadn’t been in this business for 15 years when I started my course. I got the course off the ground pretty quickly in my career, and I was having a conversation with my parents and my brother about it. And my brother was like, why would anybody take your course? He’s like, why would anybody take your course? Like, there are so many options out there. There are so many established programs, why would anybody choose yours. Which could have been a really major roadblock. If I had listened to him. If his words had any weight with me, which his words in life do have weight with me, I do respect him and trust him, and I admire him and he’s a really smart guy. So if I had listened to him, I wouldn’t have the very successful business that I have right now. And, I needed to do some mental gymnastics to push what he said aside, and do what was exciting to me. Which was to create this program. Yes, right. And I needed to put his words somewhere far away. And I needed to listen to people that were cheering me on and were excited for me, my husband and my parents and friends and I had to be strong of all the people that were doubting me, I needed to get rid of that. And I needed to focus on the people that were cheering me on and that’s what I still do. I surround myself with people that believe in me, and that’s what I try to do for my students in the program is like, I try to be their cheerleader for them. You know, I always say to people when they’re interested in enrolling in my program I have 100% belief that you can do this. I 100% believe that you are capable of being successful. And that’s not lip service, you need to also decide that that is true. And when you decide that is true, is when it becomes true. That is like the first step toward your success is believing that you are capable of whatever you have set out to do. And for people who never make that change in their brains, and they never commit to, to realizing that they’re capable, they constantly sort of like stay stuck, as you said. So I think it’s like it’s the one foot in front of the other. Right? And as you said, it’s never a failure until you give up. It’s just like a part of the journey.
Allison Henderson: We’re all gonna make mistakes. I mean, that’s all business all the time, we have to accept that, right? We have to just accept that I’m gonna be learning as I go. I don’t have to learn everything first, then start taking action, I’m gonna learn as I go, because everyone starts as a beginner in everything, right? So I think we just have to give us that permission, and just give us that Grace at the beginning stages of our business to make those mistakes. But if you can stay consistent for six months, a year, two years, five years, imagine what your life’s gonna be, stop looking at the right now. It’s nice to be in the present moment. Don’t get me wrong, but looking at what your life could be like five years from now, if you really stayed consistent with this, like five years, your whole life can change in a year realistically, if you really decided and committed and was really disciplined to make it work for yourself. But so many people wake up, and they have this trigger that goes off that saying, You’re not good enough and you’re not going to be able to do that. I gotta talk to these little triggers, I want to have another, I want to have another activator, something else that’s going to trigger me. And that one’s different. And that one’s like, you got this, you are meant for this. This is your destiny. We are so afraid of our destiny, and we’re afraid to be successful. What if I’m successful? It’s not always what if I fail? What if I actually make this happen? What somebody tells me was my life.
Jayne Havens: Somebody, with who I’m very close within the business world says that to me all the time. And I have trouble processing that. What is that like? It must be, right? Because you say it and she says it I respect both of you and think the world of both of you. But like what does that even mean that we’re so afraid of failure? What does that really truly look like? Are we really sabotaging ourselves? Because we’re afraid why would we be afraid of success?
Allison Henderson: Right? So if you become successful, you have more money. Maybe you have a belief that you are bad at managing your money. So you are gonna waste it away. Why would I? I meant hiring employees. I don’t know how to hire employees. I don’t know what to do with the resources. I might go with a legal battle if I say something wrong.
Jayne Havens: That’s where I am right now. I am too busy. I need a person to help out. but I’m not successful enough to have a person. That’s exactly right.
Allison Henderson: So the more successful this is even the haters, right? If I have more followers, there’s gonna be more people that are gonna comment on my post saying that sleep training or what have you, I was like, that’s not, I don’t want to deal with the haters, You’re gonna have haters, no matter what, If you have 500 followers, or 5000 followers, or 550, you know, 500,000, you’re gonna have people that aren’t gonna like you, you cannot get over that. So it’s not something that you can avoid. So there are just things like that, the more successful you are, the more it’s you’re going to get triggered, the more that you’re going to have to do some of the inner work.
Jayne Havens: It will start to feel at a certain point that like, you know, it’s hard to grow at the same pace that you have when you’ve had really solid growth for a few years at a certain point, it feels like it’s got a plateau right? And maybe that’s okay, but it’s a really hard thing to come up with and I’m facing that right now. Maybe, this year 2022 is going to be the same as 2021 which would be fabulous, but it feels like am I failing by not growing? And these are all being said beliefs that you have to get in the way of growth, and your success and or maybe a cloud of your idea of what success is? Because for me and I always go back to get into a negative headspace about growth or fear of failure. I always go back to my why and which, for starting my business was that I was aboard staying at home mom, and I needed something to work my exercise my brain. That muscle in my head was atrophied and needed to be exercised. And so I started a business so that I would have something to exercise my brain and feel passionate about. And something to keep me busy outside such as preparing my kid’s lunches and dressing them cute for school. So when I look back on when I think about where I am now, Am I still growing, or do I always go back when I’m struggling? I go back to my why. My why had nothing to do with like, huge financial success or huge business success. It had nothing to do with that. It was that I was lacking passion in like an adult thoughts kind of way, So I go back to my why. And I realized, even if my business doesn’t grow financially in 2022, I’m still living my why, right? And what’s good enough? That’s great.
Allison Henderson: What is your business already allowed you to do? I didn’t hit the dollar amount that I was supposed to make this year. But I was able to stay at home with my kids. My husband’s a stay-at-home dad and I’m able to go on vacations whenever I want. There are still all these great things. Why am I complaining that I didn’t hit this certain dollar amount? I’m still able to do everything that I would do. If I had that in my bank account. Do you know what I mean? Realistically, I always ask myself, if I didn’t hit the goal every month. But what has my business already allowed me to do this month? What are some of the highlights? What are some of the big wins? It’s not always about the money. What is my life? Am I able to chill, I’m able to relax, and still be able to do the things I want to do.
Jayne Havens: The answer is yes. You’re doing all the things that you want to do. And frankly, so am I like, I think I went on vacation three times in December. How cool is that? We definitely were not doing that a couple of years ago. And, yes, I get to go on vacations and get to spend money on my kids without worrying about it the way that I used to. So yes, you’re right. It’s something you have to think about, am I positioning myself to be able to live the life that I want to be living? And if the answer is yes, then you’re doing it? That’s gotta be good enough.
Allison Henderson: Yes and overall, Once you’ve already made some money in your business, you know how to continue to make money in your business. So, I spent all my money on vacation this month, like or something. Well, then you have that fear come up. What if I can’t make the money next month? With entrepreneurship, we’re not guaranteed? Yes, anything, you know what I mean? But when you know, you have a strategy, you know how to make money, you’re gonna be fine. It’s some trust inside of yourself to know that you’re going to be okay. Everything’s going to be fine.
Jayne Havens: Like everything. Yes, totally. I love that. Let’s end there. Should we wrap up? Before we wrap up? Tell everybody about how you can help them if they want to work with you directly.
Allison Henderson: Yes, I’ve already looked at some of your students. I absolutely love working with sleep consultants. So I have a program it’s called social media sales blueprint. Actually, if you’re watching this, now I have enrollment open for our next round, which starts at the end of this month. I’m gonna do this every other month, I have an enrollment that’s open. But specifically, I will help you learn how to find your clients and then also how to actually sell to them all through using your Instagram and Facebook platforms. So if you are somebody right now who wants to start a business obviously talk to Jane too. But if you want to know how to utilize social media to get more leads to really understand how to just sell, and sell without having that like love sales feeling I just want to make it super realistic and seamless for you. So that’s my biggest goal, especially this year, I just want to teach people how to sell without feeling that scared feeling. Do you know what I mean? I just want you to like it, I want you to enjoy it. Yes, we naturally just don’t like things we’re not good at. So I want to teach you how to do it. I actually help you move conversations along and get people on calls. That’s where my zone of genius is. I just want you to know how to communicate with human beings. get you over that fear of people get you out of that comfort zone and expand that and yeah, so and I also send you you know, people want to join the business morning business motivation. I’m here I’ll put this link.
Jayne Havens: yes, I’ll put it
Allison Henderson: If you want to join then you get some emails from me. Every few mornings and yes, and obviously your mindset is that part of this too, right? That’s also part of my program and just stuff that I really strive towards myself is just being my best. Being the best business owner I can be being the best mom, I can be being the best wife. And I’m constantly just learning more about myself and what I want to do in the swirled.