Winners Look to Solve Problems with Jayne Havens

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Transcript:

Intro: Welcome to Becoming a Sleep Consultant! I’m your host Jayne Havens, a certified sleep consultant and founder of both Snooze Fest by Jayne Havens and Center for Pediatric Sleep Management.

On this podcast, I’ll be discussing the business side of sleep consulting. You’ll have an insider’s view on launching, growing, and even scaling a sleep consulting business. This is not a podcast about sleep training. This is a podcast about business building and entrepreneurship.

Jayne Havens: When I was 9 years old, my parents put me on a plane and I headed off to Camp Vega in Maine. I had no clue what I was in for, but I think I remember being pretty excited. It turns out I’m a total camper at heart, and for the next seven summers, that little corner of Maine became my second home.

When I think back on those summers at camp, I don’t just remember playing tennis, learning how to sail, and spending time laughing so hard that it hurt with friends, but all of my core memories are really more about the person I became while living away from home.

Camp is where I learned to slalom water ski. Looking back, it seems a little bit ridiculous that I was able to do this at 9 years old, but that’s the amazing thing about camp. We were regularly being put in the position to try things we had never done before. Somewhere along the way, we stopped asking ourselves whether we could do something, and we decided to just try. I played sports I had never played before. I danced. I competed. I performed in front of people. I learned that being new at something wasn’t something to be embarrassed about. It was simply the first step towards getting better.

Looking back, I think that’s one of the greatest gifts camp gave me. It normalized being a beginner. Nobody expected you to show up already knowing how to do everything. Everyone was learning something at camp. Some girls were trying sailing for the first time. Others had never picked up a tennis racket or stood on a stage. Falling, fumbling, feeling awkward—it was all a part of the experience. Nobody thought twice because, on some level, that’s what camp was all about. It was a place to discover things about yourself that you couldn’t have discovered sitting at home.

I definitely did not appreciate any of this when I was 9 years old. I wasn’t sitting around thinking, “Wow, spending eight weeks at sleepover camp is really building resilience.” I was honestly just excited to be there. That being said, eight weeks is a very long time to be away from home. I could feel myself growing up at camp. I was oddly aware of my increased confidence and the maturity I developed while away. I had clearly gained new skills over those summer months. When I returned to Baltimore after eight weeks of camp, I definitely had a feeling of accomplishment. I came home at the end of each summer feeling successful.

But it wasn’t until I was much older that I started looking back and realizing how many of the lessons I learned during my seven summers in Maine are lessons that I still carry with me today.

Some of those lessons came from counselors. Some came from my friends. Some came from trying things I never would have tried at home. And then there was this one lesson that, oddly enough, came from a banner hanging in the dining hall. You couldn’t miss it three times a day, every single day for eight weeks and seven summers. I sat underneath those words while I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The banner said, “Winners look to solve problems. Losers look for excuses.”

My camp friends and I laugh about this now because there’s absolutely no chance that that banner would still be hanging in the camp dining hall today. In fact, I know that it’s not. I have friends whose daughters now go to Camp Vega, and somewhere along the way, the banner came down. And I understand why. The language feels harsh. Calling anyone a loser isn’t something we really do anymore, and probably for good reason.

But here’s what’s interesting. I never walked around camp thinking that there were winners and losers. What I took away from that banner in the dining hall was actually a very useful lesson: when you run into a problem, look for a solution. Focus on trying to solve the problem. Stop making excuses. I don’t remember any of us talking about that banner as kids. It kind of just hung there year after year while hundreds of girls sat underneath it, eating grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken tenders.

Looking back, I find it interesting that the words on this banner in the dining hall at camp ended up becoming such an important life lesson, and perhaps maybe one of the biggest takeaways from camp. No one was telling me that I needed to buy into this message, but after reading those words three times a day, every single day for eight weeks and seven summers, I guess it sunk in.

The banner said that winners look to solve problems and losers look for excuses. I never really took this to mean that everyone is quite literally a winner or a loser. What I took away from this message is that whenever you run into a problem, you have a choice to make. You can either try to solve the problem and be a part of the solution, or you can make excuses. This is a choice.

Even now, all of these years later, I subscribe to this mindset. I live by it. When something isn’t working or when I’m faced with a problem, my instinct is to get curious. My instinct is to ask more questions, to try another angle, to find a solution. I’m never one to make excuses.

I honestly don’t think I realized how deeply that mindset had become a part of who I was until I became an entrepreneur.

When I started my business, there wasn’t a roadmap sitting on my desk. There wasn’t anyone telling me exactly how to build a website, how to market my services, how to land those first few clients, and eventually scale my business to what it looks like today. Each and every day seemed to present a new challenge I had never faced before. Some of these challenges were small and easy to overcome. Others felt daunting, overwhelming, and even like Roblox to my success.

But it never really occurred to me that not knowing how to do something meant that I shouldn’t do it. In my mind, not knowing simply meant that I had more to learn and another problem to solve. The older I get, the more I realize that entrepreneurship is really just one long exercise in problem solving. Every successful business owner I know is solving problems each and every day in their work. They’re figuring out how to reach more people, how to serve their clients better, how to manage a team, how to navigate technology that seems to change every other week, and how to pivot when something feels like it’s not working.

This is the job. We tend to look at successful entrepreneurs and assume that they somehow avoided all of these obstacles, when in reality, they’ve probably encountered more obstacles than anyone else. The difference isn’t that they had fewer problems. It’s that they kept looking for solutions instead of deciding the problems were a sign to stop trying.

I’m fascinated by the idea that the messages that we absorb as children quietly become the stories we tell ourselves as adults. We don’t usually notice it while it’s happening. We don’t even realize it’s happening. But somewhere along the way, those messages become a part of our inner voice.

Recently, I’ve been finding myself thinking about that banner through a different lens. I completely understand why it isn’t hanging in the dining hall in 2026. Calling someone a loser isn’t nice, and it’s certainly not language we use when trying to teach children life lessons today. Thankfully, we’ve become so much more thoughtful about the way that we speak to children, and this is a good thing. We understand that word choice matters.

That being said, I do find myself wondering if somewhere along the way, we’ve become a little too uncomfortable with a reasonable level of discomfort. Why are so many people so afraid of being new at something? Why are they so afraid to fail when failure is just a part of the road to success? Why are people more comfortable with making excuses than actually finding the solution?

When I think about camp, every day was an opportunity to try something that was unfamiliar. Sometimes you loved it. Sometimes you hated it. And sometimes you discovered you were actually pretty good at something you never would have chosen on your own. Nobody expected you to master anything on the first day. You were just expected to participate. You were expected to try.

I think there was something incredibly valuable about spending my summers in an environment where being a beginner was completely normal. Being bad at water skiing was normal. Being homesick was to be expected. We had the entire summer to learn new skills and to become comfortable with our own discomfort. Sometimes I wonder if my experience of going away to sleepaway camp is one of the reasons entrepreneurship felt so natural to me years later.

Don’t get me wrong. Starting a business is daunting. There were plenty of moments where I felt in over my head and truly like a beginner. But I never expected to know everything on Day 1. I think camp had already taught me that the beginning is supposed to feel messy. You’re supposed to be learning. You’re supposed to make mistakes. That’s literally how you get better.

I speak to people every day who have big dreams of starting their own businesses. They tell me in one breath all the reasons why they would love to do this work, and then in the second half of their sentence comes all the reasons for why they can’t or won’t do it right now. The timing is wrong. They lack confidence. They just don’t know if they’ll be able to get their clients results. I think quietly to myself, “Winners look to solve problems and losers look for excuses.” I wish the verbiage was kinder, but the messaging is on point. I wish people would stop making excuses and start coming up with solutions.

Of course, there are legitimate reasons for why people cannot do all the things they want to be doing. I’m certainly not suggesting that people make reckless decisions. But I think there’s a difference between waiting because it’s truly the right decision and waiting because we’re afraid of feeling uncomfortable.

The more entrepreneurs I meet, the more convinced I become that those who are successful aren’t necessarily the smartest or the most talented. The ones who achieve success are the ones who are willing to sit in their own discomfort. They’re willing to launch before everything’s perfect. They’re willing to ask questions they don’t know the answers to. They’re willing to look inexperienced. They’re willing to solve one problem only to discover three more waiting for them on the other side. Somehow, they understand that the problems aren’t evidence that they’re failing. The problems are the work.

This summer, I watched my own kids go off to sleepaway camp. This is Sid’s fifth summer at camp and Ivy’s fourth. It’s such a strange experience as a parent because I know exactly what camp gave me, and now I get to watch my kids discover it for themselves. Just like I learned grit and determination, my kids are learning that too.

Sid’s first summer at camp was actually one of the most difficult parenting experiences I’ve ever had. He was so homesick that he became physically sick. He was literally vomiting because he missed home so much. I still remember getting those phone calls and feeling completely helpless. Every single instinct in my body wanted to get in the car, drive to Pennsylvania, and bring him home. As parents, we’re wired to fix things for our kids. When they’re hurting, we want to make everything instantly feel better.

But this was one of those moments where making the hurt go away wasn’t actually the best thing for him. The camp staff was incredible. They didn’t minimize what he was feeling, and they didn’t tell us to ignore it. They acknowledged that he was really struggling, but they also believed that he could get through it.

Looking back, I think that belief mattered just as much as anything they actually did. They saw a little boy who was having a really hard time, but they didn’t let his struggles define him. They believed there was another chapter coming, even when he couldn’t see it yet for himself. Little by little, things got better. There wasn’t one magical conversation or one amazing day that changed everything. It was gradual. He had one good afternoon and then another. He made a new friend. He participated in an activity that he found to be really fun. One day, he laughed a little bit more than he cried, until eventually camp became a place that he trusted was good for him.

Fast forward five summers, and that same boy who couldn’t imagine making it through is now 14 years old. The camp directors tell me that he is the kid helping the younger campers who are homesick. He’ll share his own experiences with homesickness, bring them a few baseball cards, reassure them that they’re going to be okay, and remind them that he knows exactly how they’re feeling because five summers ago he felt that way too.

The things that shape us usually aren’t the things that come easily. The things that shape us are the experiences that stretch us just a little beyond what feels comfortable. But once you get to the other side of that discomfort, it always feels like you’re exactly where you want to be.

When I read that banner as a little girl, I don’t think I heard the words winner and loser. I think what I heard was: when you run into a problem, don’t stop. Don’t quit. Don’t make excuses. Decide to be a part of the solution.

People ask me all the time what it’s like to own a business, and the truth is, it’s full-time problem solving. You figure out your website, and then you have to figure out marketing. You figure out marketing, and then you have to figure out client management. You solve one problem, and then another pops up right behind it. But instead of looking at it like all you have is problems, you get to view it through the lens of working daily to find solutions.

I think this is true outside of business too. Every meaningful thing I’ve done in my life has required me to do something uncomfortable first. Building a business is uncomfortable. Public speaking is uncomfortable. Parenting has certainly been uncomfortable at times. There has never been a point in my life where I suddenly arrived and thought, “Perfect. I think I have everything figured out now.” Over time, I think I’ve become more comfortable not having all of the answers. I’ve become more comfortable trusting that I’ll be able to figure it out.

And now that I think about it, maybe that’s the greatest gift camp gave me. At camp, I learned I can do anything I set out to do. Even when something feels impossible, those are just my feelings. It’s not actually grounded in truth.

Reading that banner every day for seven summers reminded me that I had control over my outcomes. I could make excuses for myself, or I could decide to be a part of the solution. Who knew that one sentence I read over breakfast, lunch, and dinner for seven summers would quietly become part of the way I approach almost everything in my life?

If you’re listening to this podcast and there’s something you’ve been wanting to do—whether it’s starting a business, changing careers, going back to school, or simply trying something that feels a little scary and overwhelming—I hope that you’ll remember that confidence almost never comes first.

Confidence comes after you’ve done the hard thing. It comes after you’ve fallen down a few times. It comes after you’ve solved a few problems you weren’t sure you could solve.

Trying doesn’t make you a loser. Being uncomfortable doesn’t mean you’re failing. Being uncomfortable just means you’re on your way to finding the solution.

Outro: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Becoming a Sleep Consultant Podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, it would mean so much to me if you would rate, review, and subscribe. When you rate, review, and subscribe, this helps the podcast reach a greater audience. I am so grateful for your support.

If you would like to learn more about how you can become a certified sleep consultant, head over to my Facebook Group, Becoming a Sleep Consultant or to my website thecpsm.com. Thanks so much, and I hope you will tune in for the next episode.